I'm off on holiday for a week, and am feeling demob happy. So let me share two genuine quotes from BBC Radio 7 which brought me wider awake while half listening to talking books in the small hours. Both are from authors I admire and both made me chuckle.
From The 39 Steps (John Buchan): "I tossed a knife in the air and did the old Mshona trick of catching it in my teeth."
From Sharpe's Fortress (Bernard Cornwell): "He cast a morbid eye over Sharpe's bullocks."