Putting the 'help!' in helpdesk

An Engine Room regular (with the unlikely moniker of Gingerous Humerous Maximus) has submitted some of his favourite misuses of the English language as directed at IT helpdesks. Here in his own words:

"The Internet is down." Really, the whole internet has gone down? I know this is probably the natural thing to say, but it would be better to say, “Our internet connection has gone down,” or ask, “Is there currently a problem with our internet connection?”

"Something's wrong with the windows." OK, surely this is a facilities job and nothing to do with IT...

“My mouse keeps doing strange things.” Wow, a piece of computer hardware has come to life – call the government before all the machines arise to destroy us!

"There’s some sort of jam in the printer.” What type of jam? I'm not leaving my desk for anything less than strawberry...

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