Corporate speak

JD and I work for a large company which, despite being in the communications sector, is beset with corporate-speak. A recent example was an e-mail to all staff welcoming the arrival of an IT security specialist.

We were told that "he has coupled the tools and techniques for security with compliance and risk management functions... enriched the information technology practices relating to policies and standards... introduced programs that balanced the evaluated risk to the business".

Let me through... I'm a sub!