Don't do it by halves

While browsing through my collection of old motor cycle magazines I came across: "the valves snapped in halves". This gave me pause for thought. Surely the phrase should be "the valves snapped in half"? But then I thought again. No-one would write "the valves snapped in quarter"; you'd write "quarters" or "thirds" or any other fraction you'd care to name.

Clearly you can't break something into a single half (unless possibly you're a zen buddhist). I was left wondering when this illogical use of the singular "half" appeared, and why. Hardly earth shaking, I know. I've been using "half" all my writing life and now I want to use "halves" but can't because no-one else does.

Subs! Copy editors! You have the power. Bring back halves!

Eye-watering segue

Culled from Mrs Apus's favourite house buying TV programme:

Vincent van Gogh came to Ramsgate to paint and Karl Marx came here to write. But neither were known as fans of retail therapy, and that’s a pity because today we’re going into the retail centre of town...

Word of the day: indentikit

Spotted in yesterday's The Guardian Guide:

How did a clutch of arty female electro acts end up being tipped as the future of pop? Blame Scouting For Girls, the Pigeon Detectives and the slow death of indentikit guitar music

'Indentikit': it's an adjective, and presumably a portmanteau of 'identikit' and 'indie' (an abbreviation of 'independent music') . Synonyms used in the article include 'landfill indie' and 'pseudo indie'.

I like 'indentikit' because 'identikit' is itself a portmanteau, of 'identity' and 'kit'. The OED Online's first mention of 'identikit' is from the Observer in 1961:

About forty police forces in this country are now testing an American device called an ‘Identi-Kit’, which is used to translate witnesses' descriptions of a person into visual terms.

So originally a brand name?

But back to the more recent 'indentikit'. Interestingly, it appears in the standfirst of the article but not the body copy - was it the sub's choice of word rather than the writer's?

Googling 'indentikit' throws up more than 5,000 results, but most of them seem to be accidental misspellings of 'identikit'. Googling '+indentikit +indie' gives 345 results, most of which predate the article in The Guardian Guide.

So this is a word that is new to me, but not newly coined.

News from the island: 3

It's all happening on South Island – witness these gobsmackers from the local rag which, as usual, takes an obsessive interest in the doings of the boys in the brass helmets:

Smoke alarm
Firefighers were called to an address in Binstead after a resident smelled smoke in her property last Saturday night. Three fire engines were sent to Hillrise Avenue at 11.41pm. The cause of the smoke was burnt food in a neighbouring property.

Woman freed in lift drama
Firefighters were called to free a woman stuck in a lift last Saturday morning. The woman, in her 20s and a member of staff at the Eden House residential home in Totland, raised the alarm at 8.45am after the lift developed a fault. She was freed about 20 minutes later.

Car reported stuck in water
Firefighters were called to free a car stuck in water in Spring Lane, Carisbrooke on Tuesday afternoon. When the crews arrived, the car had gone.

Restaurant escapes
Firefighters were called to the Village Taverna in Albert Street, Sandown at 9am last Saturday after a resident spotted a burst water main. The crew prevented a possible flood into the restaurant by turning off the stopcock.

Esplanade bins replaced
Defective* litter bins installed along the Esplanade and near St Agnes's Church, Freshwater Bay last year have been replaced by new ones.

* No, I don't have any idea what would make a bin 'defective'.

Not taken with Apple's ultra-thin metal keyboard

This week we've all received new hardware and software at work. I'm more than happy with my new iMac but not so keen on the ultra-thin metal keyboard:



The feet at the back are tiny so the keyboard rests almost horizontally on the desk, forcing me to adopt a rather unnatural typing style – somewhat like a chimp with cramp in both hands. I've tried propping it up with a book but that just makes it wobbly.

The biggest problem, however, is that ultra-thin means ultra-light; as I type, the keyboard scoots away from my across my desk. After every sentence I have to pick it up and put it back in place.

Admittedly, none of my team-mates has this problem so it could just be my over-vigorous typing style. I do tend to bash the keys with some force (and volume).

My colleague suggested holding the keyboard in place with Blu-Tack, but what's the point of having all this high-tech equipment if you have to stick it down with low-tech stationery? Instead, I'm moving back to my old, thick, plastic keyboard...

An interview with JD

No, not here – it's over on the Fuelmyblog blog.

Incidentally, I am now a 'template super-user' at work. Web champion, template super-user – what's next? 'Stationery overlord', perhaps...

...but beautifully formed

As JD's already lowered the tone with his golden globes reference I won't feel too guilty about sharing with you the name of my chum Peter's boss (and yes, it's genuine – it appears on my chum's pay cheque and I never joke about money): SM Allcock.

I have asked Peter to ask the boss if his parents have a dodgy sense of humour; sadly it seems Mr Allcock is so fed up with having the urine extracted that the subject is verboten.

Kneeling, begging and turning

Spotted this in a BBC News story on the Detroit Auto Show:

The slump brought the "Big Three" to their knees, begging bowls in hand, as they turned to the government for help.

Not a mixed metaphor as such, but kneeling and turning together sounds like a difficult operation. Holding the begging bowl can't help either...

Kate Winslet has a lovely pair of Golden Globes

All of the papers here in the UK seem to have covered Kate Winslet's recent awards wins, and I can only assume that they were dissuaded by the tearfulness of her acceptance speeches and the relative modesty of her attire from making crude references to her 'lovely pair of Golden Globes'.

I'm only saying because it's not like the tabloids to miss an innuendo.



However the internet never lets me down:

• Kate Winslet's Golden Globes (That's Not What We Meant!)

• Kate Winslet Boasts a Pair of Golden Globes

• Kate Winslet's Two Spectacular Golden Globes

And so on...