I'm not moving to Guatemala any time soon

I have a new favourite spam email. It was sent to The Engine Room email address and consisted of 23 jpeg attachments detailing luxury properties for sale in Guatemala. (Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was also in Spanish.)

Even if I had $1.8m to spare, what are the chances that I would blow it on a lakeside property in Guatemala as the result of a spam email? About the same as me wanting an 'Israel GPS Navigation System', I should think.

Anyway, here's an extract from the email:

You can't hear a hyphen

Mrs A's favourite property programme is a constant source of delight. Referring to removal of flowery wallpaper one over-excited presenter gushed: "The kitchen's been de-flowered!"

However one exhausted self-builder in the show coined a portmanteau word that I rather like. At the end of a two-year project he was asked if he would consider selling his newly completed magnum opus. "Never," he replied. "This is my deathnest."

This one's on the house

Oh the pleasures of daytime TV. Here are some more gems from Mrs Apus's favourite house selling programme:

• “Have I got to drag you out of there with a coach and horses?”

• "He’d do the interior and I’d do the... outerior."

• "There's a downstairs bathroom – as you'd expect in a bungalow."

• "Neil Armstrong might have said it’s a giant leap for mankind when he landed on the moon, but for Amanda buying this bungalow is certainly a giant leap!"

Photo special: dinning room and loft conversation

If you want a quiet life, I wouldn't recommend buying this house. After all, its features include a dinning room and a loft conversation...



(I can't actually remember where this photo came from. I'm assuming I scanned it myself, but if anyone emailed it in – thank you.)

UPDATE 05/02/09: My mum has reminded me that she sent in the photo. Thanks, Mum! And apparently the house is still being advertised for sale...

It's on the house

I'm becoming addicted to Mrs Apus's favourite TV programme about house auctions, not least because one of the presenters is showing encouraging signs of having attended the Murray Walker school of rhetoric. Today's offerings included "this looks like a job half started" and the glorious double tautology "this property has a maximum ceiling bid price".

The Engine Room will follow her career with interest.