It's been a long week

A news story landed on my desk yesterday including the information that a felon had been jailed in July 2006 but is due for release on 20 December.

Nothing wrong with that but I found myself wondering why the month gets an 'in' while the day gets an 'on'.

Then I thought, Apus old chap, it's Friday evening. Go home.

Minutiae can drive you nuts

Good news on the eco front, according to a London free-sheet: Europe could meet its carbon emission targets "simply by planting more trees in forests".

I'm left wondering if only trees in large groups absorb carbon. In fact wouldn't it make sense to avoid planting trees in the middle of forests, where presumably there's less light reaching ground level? But then if you planted solitary trees in large enough numbers they'd become a forest anyway.

And if the engine-room denizens who allowed that phrase through had simply cut out "in forests" I could have read the story and got on with my life.

While I'm in ranting mood, there's an advert on the same page for "premium down jackets".

Down-filled, certainly, but a down jacket? Think how long it would take to sew all the feathers together. What's more they're available in "15 unique colours". Technically every colour's unique unto itself but is the manufacturer implying that nowhere on earth will you find any of its chosen shades replicated? What tosh.

Writers... doncha love 'em?

It's been a long day in the engine room. Among the copy that came our way was:

"the failure rate at annual test was 65.96%". A clear example of a writer switching off his common-sense module and writing whatever his calculator told him. Assuming the vehicle fleet didn't number in the thousands, 66% would make a lot more sense... or better yet, two out of three.

"the infectious energy extolled by the business development director..." The writer meant exuded, of course, though JD, being in his usual argumentative mood, pointed out that the director could have been extolling someone else's infectious energy...

"the sliding drawer". As any engine room denizen would delight in telling the author, if it don't slide, it ain't a drawer (which reminds me of the schoolboy joke: Q–what do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A-a stick).

Sometimes, after all, an object is defined by its function. For example, is a broken-down car still a car? Say you removed the wheels and engine...

I think it's time for my medication.

It's a drawer. It slides.

Parcel consumers

A news story submitted to us recently contained the phrase "commercial and domestic parcel consumers".

What exactly is a 'parcel consumer'? I can only assume it is someone or something that eats parcels. I am especially impressed that this can be done on a commercial basis...

(We changed the phrase to 'customers of parcels firms' or 'users of parcels services' - I forget which.)

Infinitesimal error in the Mirror

Bit of a blooper in the Daily Mirror today.

In a one-page feature, the paper "asks columnists to imagine what their lives would be like in a parallel universe". Nicola Methven of 'Nicola Methven's TV Land' (pictured) starts her answer by saying:

Apparently we could all be living an infinitesimal number of parallel lives in an infinitesimal number of universes.

Em, I think you mean 'infinite' rather than 'infinitesimal' (extremely small).


The Mirror also has the same article online, complete with error.

Hyphens: strong staff

A news story by one of our writers today highlighted the perils of omitting hyphens. It contained this phrase:

The majority of the 200 strong staff

Obviously the company only employs muscular people! I inserted the missing hyphen, giving:

The majority of the 200-strong staff

But then I decided to keep it simple:

Most of the 200 employees

Headline: Virgin named as top Rock suitor

Today's confusing headline of the day comes courtesy of the BBC News site:

Virgin named as top Rock suitor

It took me a moment to twig that the virgin in the story is Richard Branson's Virgin Group. Ordinarily the initial cap of 'Virgin' would have given it away but as the word started the headline the visual clue was lost.

Branson, of course, set up the Virgin Records music label so it then took me another moment to realise that the 'Rock' the story refers to isn't the music genre but the troubled British bank Northern Rock.

Before you ask, I first saw this headline on the BBC News homepage and totally failed to note the small 'Northern Rock' image which might otherwise have clarified things. A picture of Richard Branson's grinning visage may have been preferable. And it's not often that I say that.

Virgin named as top Rock suitor

You are a genius, here's the proof

I recently came across an online blog readability test which assesses "the level of education required to understand your blog". And as you can see from the image to the right, the test reveals that only geniuses can understand the Engine Room.

On the negative side, this suggests that Apus and I should use a smaller vocabulary and less complicated sentence structures, or just speak... more... slowly...

On the positive side, if you've managed to read this far then you yourself must be a genius. And if you regularly understand what Apus and I are banging on about, well then, Einstein's got nothing on you.

Actually, Apus and I probably just confused the readability test with our British turns of phrase - and by blogging about words no one has ever heard before, such as sidehill.

(Thanks to Mr Verb for this one, and for the plug.)

Morrinov, Morritini and Vodkat

I am amused that the supermarket Morrisons' own-brand vodka is called 'Morrinov'. I also hear an unconfirmed rumour that its vermouth is called 'Morritini'.

Still, either has to be better than the bottles of 22% 'Vodkat' (pictured) which you can buy in Asda and other cheap places; there's a good reason the Harrogate-based manufacturer can't use the word 'vodka'.

And trawling through the web to find out a bit more about horrible drinks I did come across a good tip: run cheap spirit through a water filter (you know, the type that sits in your fridge) to take the impurities out and make it more drinkable.

Unfortunately, I am not currently in a position to try this advice but if anyone else has the opportunity, I would love to hear whether it works. Thanks.