Art criticism from Metro

According to Metro, a paper not renowned for its understatement, this portrait of Gordon Brown's wife Sarah "would struggle to make it on to the fridge door if it was painted by a three-year old".

I'm fairly confident that any three-year-old producing art like this would be acclaimed a genius.

(The portrait is taken from Carla Bruni's website, and was not created by a toddler.)

'On a scale of 1 to 10 where 0 is poor'

I've been on a training course called 'Managing High-Performing Teams' for the past couple of days. I've enjoyed it, and maybe I'll write some more about it tomorrow, but for now I just want to share this extract from the course materials:

Scaling: On a scale of 1 to 10 where 0 is poor and 10 is world class, where would you put performance today?

Is it possible to have 0 in a scale of 1 to 10? Or is it just that I'm not allowed to choose 'poor' as my answer?

Google Wave, turbulence and Serenity

So I'm all signed up with Google Wave after wangling an invitation out of one of my senior colleagues. It's fun to play with but I'm getting a bit tired of seeing this error message:

Apparently the wording is based on a quote from the Joss Whedon sci-fi movie Serenity (which I haven't seen).

If you're on Google Wave too, you can wave to me at engineroomblog@googlewave.com.


Update 23/11/2009: And here's another Google Wave error message I've encountered, again inspired by Serenity (apparently):

Headlines: 'Major massacres'

On Friday, I walked past a folded, discarded copy of Metro and caught the first deck of its two-deck front page headline. It read: "Major massacres".

This left me wondering what massacres it was referring to, and when exactly a massacre became a "major" massacre.

Later, I picked up a copy of Metro for myself and saw the full headline. It was:

Major massacres
11 at top US base

Oops.

How long ago is 'a long time ago'?

How long ago is 'a long time ago'? The answer, my friends, is 2006 - at least according to my PC.

I've been uploading some video files to our publication's YouTube account. The videos are show reports dating from 2008, 2007 and 2006 - here's the full list:



So either 2006 is 'a long time ago' or my PC just can't count up to three...

'Nick Griffin, you f****** w*****'

Replacing swear words in a news story with a string of asterisks may protect the sensibilities of easily offended readers but it doesn't always aid understanding. For example, Metro's front page lead today begins:

British National Party leader Nick Griffin found himself in the centre of a racism court case today - in which he claimed to be the victim.

The far-right leader and North West MEP alleged he was racially abused by a driver who made threatening 'gun gestures' towards him and called him a white 'b*****d'.

But, while defendant Taquir Khalid admitted being at the scene of the incident, he insisted he shouted only 'Nick Griffin, you f****** w*****' and flicked a V-sign.

It's that final asterisked word that caused me problems. When I first read the paragraph I took it to mean that Khalid had called Griffin a 'whitie' - after all, it's an offensive term that begins with 'w', has six letters, and ties into the story's theme of racial abuse.

Of course, calling someone a 'whitie' would be as as racist as (or possibly even more racist than) calling someone a 'white b*****d', so admitting to it wouldn't be much of a defence against a charge of racial abuse.

Within a few seconds my brain had done the processing and come up with 'wanker' instead.

Incidentally, if Metro can give the first and last letter for 'b*****d', why can't it do the same for other swear words?


Grammar Girl: Swear Words in Text

Spelling: 'Sameday disptach'

At the weekend I went to order a particular product from the Amazon website. But I hit a problem: the product in question was available from a number of sellers, all of whom had almost identical prices, ratings and returns policies. I'd never used - or even heard of - any of the sellers before either. How to choose?

Well, the seller that was advertising its "sameday disptach" service ruled itself out of the running:


After all, if it can't spare the effort to spell correctly, how can I be confident that it will spare the effort to send me the right product, on time and in good condition? It's like the Panasonic logo says: "Everything matters".

Even the best finishers...

Footballer Frank Lampard recently appeared in an anti-obesity advert (pictured) with the caption "Even the best finishers need someone to start them off".

At a party yesterday, someone pointed out to me that this caption could be taken as rather rude. And yes, I believe it could.

Any other unintentionally smutty ads out there?

Wikipedia vandalism and old folks in Tolworth

I use Wikipedia quite a lot, and only occasionally spot acts of vandalism. But here's one possible example, from the entry on Tolworth (check out the final sentence - and click on the image to see a larger version):



Yes, it says: "I have been here and its not all that to be honest just a bunch of old folks".

Wikipedia defines vandalism as "any addition, removal, or change of content made in a deliberate attempt to compromise the integrity of Wikipedia". However on the same page it also makes reference to "unintentional vandalism". Huh?

Anyway, I'm not sure whether the Tolworth edit is deliberate or unintentional vandalism - or whether, in its own way, it actually adds to the article.