'I am out of the office now for the rest of my life'

My publishing director retired last week after 41 years with the company. I forgot to remove him from a particular mailing list and this morning emailed him by accident, only to get a great automated reply back. It began:

I am out of the office now for the rest of my life.

Did you mean: dicks?

My girlfriend is currently writing an academic essay about the 'DIKW hierarchy', a model which distinguishes between data, information, knowledge, and wisdom.

She searched for 'DIKW' on her university library website and got this:


I could hear her laughing from two rooms away.

Worst Case & Michael Ledwidge

This morning, on the way in to work, I saw an advert for the novel Worst Case by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. Here's the book's front cover:

It seems strange to me that the title is placed between the authors' names. The novel could almost be called 'Worst Case & Michael Ledwidge'.

Juxtaposition: 'I can make you thin'

Here's a rather unfortunate juxtaposition from yesterday's Metro:


Good spot, Gareth.

'Not suitable for children under 3 years old'

My colleague Clutchslip has forwarded on this extract from the latest edition of Transport News Brief, the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders' email newsletter:

Transport News Brief reader Owen Ryder of Cummins recently bought a birthday card for his baby daughter. On the front it read "Happy Birthday To A Special Girl On Your First Birthday". On the back it said, in small print "Not suitable for children under 3 years old". He's now not sure for whom this card is suitable.

Nursey nurse

The camera on my mobile phone is broken, so you'll have to take my word for it when I say that a recruitment agency near my office is currently advertising for a "NURSEY NURSE".

At first I assumed this was a typo, but Googling 'Nursey Nurse' throws up the following vacancy on guardianjobs:


And Nursery World Jobs is carrying an advert for a "passionate nursey nurse":


I could go on, but it's past my beddy-byes.

Gang 'jailed for a total of 94 years'

This evening's 8pm news summary on BBC One mentioned the sentencing of a drug-smuggling gang. The newsreader said:

Patrick Walsh and his accomplices were jailed for a total of 94 years

However she did not say how many accomplices there were.

If Walsh had 20 accomplices, that figure of 94 years would seem on the low side; conversely, if he had only two, it would seem rather high.

So it's almost meaningless to be told the number of years without also being told the number of accomplices.

(According to the East London Advertiser, Walsh had five accomplices.)

Incidentally, I was amused to hear the gang referred to as "international drug smugglers". Unless told otherwise, I assume that drug smugglers smuggle drugs from one country to another, making them by default "international".

But that's just my interpretation.

Word of the day: waitperson

This evening my girlfriend and I had a meal out at a restaurant in Crystal Palace. The food was excellent but the menu suggested we ask "our waitperson" about the soup and terrine of the day.

'Waitperson' - is this a common word? I'd been under the impression that 'waiter', like 'actor', was increasingly being used gender-neutrally. Or can I expect to come across 'actperson' soon?

The Oxford English Dictionary does list 'waitperson' (as an American English term) - the first quotation is as follows:

1980 N.Y. Times 3 Aug. (Long Island Weekly section) 13/1 The young waiters and waitresses (referred to as ‘waitpersons’ on the menu),..wear a preppy uniform.

Redemial racehorsing and real-play

I was on a training course yesterday with a chap who littered his speech with spoonerisms. Two particularly good ones he came out with were racehorsing (for 'horseracing') and redemial (for 'remedial').

And I'd also like to share this snippet from the pre-course information:

We will be using real-life situations in skills practice. There will be no role-play, only real-play!